I’ve often had this thought… “If only I took that opportunity when I had the chance”, or “I wish I did not say that”, or even “I wish I could go back in time to that particular moment again… what would I not do to change what I did then.”
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And this is despite me rationalizing it each time and concluding that that desire is pointless.
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It takes time to accept what we theorize and understand to be true. Writing these thoughts out is my attempt at placing these thoughts outside of me so that I can reflect on them easier. You’re welcome to do the same.
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Let’s ignore for a moment about how possible rewriting the past is in the first place.
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Why do we want to rewrite our own past? I’d say it’s the belief that our (or a loved one’s) current situation could’ve been a lot better. And perhaps that is the only reason.
And yet, that belief is rife with assumptions. Let’s list them out and analyze (prove or disprove them).
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- An assumption that the outcome is determined solely by our actions.
- In fact whenever something good happens to you, regardless of how hard you’ve worked for it, there are many other factors that contributed to the outcome which are beyond your control.
- A few examples… Not all who work hard are adequately rewarded. Not all children of rich people inherit the wealth of their parents. Not all who are strong and healthy live long lives. The list goes on and on.
- In fact, not all who get exactly what they want are happy. But that’s another point.
- An assumption that we know what will make us happy
- How many times have you found yourself being thankful that what you wanted to happen had not come to pass?
- It’s not that we fought on despite the apparently negative outcome and brought success to ourselves despite it. Though this is what we like to believe. We enjoy placing ourselves on a pedestal. ‘We are the center of the universe after all’. In truth, had ‘that desirable thing’ come to fruition, you would’ve realized later that it was a precursor to something a lot worse. And would end up regretting your choice. Funny that, isn’t it?
- << This list is a work in progress. I’ll get back to it when I have more thoughts on it. >>
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Has your ability to succeed diminished in any way because of your unpleasant past?
It may appear so at a superficial level. After all, the fact that you’ve lost your money or home or loved one can have a big effect on what you’re capable of achieving.
However,
It is more likely that your situation has merely changed, not worsened. And perhaps your goals should change too.
We often do this at a smaller level, and not realize how normal of an occurrence this is.
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When planning an outing with your friends or your partner, and if the circumstances of one or more of you change, do you not simply change your plan, sometimes even canceling it altogether? All this done without much disappointment, without a rigid insistence of how things should have been. Being rigid in those situations would damage the relationship.
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Apply that same easygoing nature then to your goals and your circumstances.
‘The world’ has changed what could’ve been, what you’ve dreamed of, what’s best for both you and ‘the world’/’the other party’. Your relationship with this ‘world’/’other party’ is more important than an outcome which you’ve felt was more necessary or more pleasant.
It’s only your easygoing nature which will resolve this unpleasantness.
Just change your plans.
You’re still friends with the world.
And there are good times still to be had in the future.